When I entered private practice in 2015, I knew I wanted to focus on trauma therapy with LGBTQ clients. My life experience has been shaped by my queerness, and I wanted to communicate that part of my identity to those who might want to work with me. I wanted my queer clients to know that I see them and can relate to some aspects of their lived experience. I wanted my trans and non-binary clients to know that some of my closest loved ones are trans and non-binary, and that I know their lives to be precious. I wanted my cisgender and non-queer clients to know that my work and life is rooted in examining and dismantling the binaries that keep us all confined and disconnected from ourselves and each other.
What I found as I started to market my practice was fear and internalized homophobia telling me that it wasn’t okay to be visible as a queer provider. Working in community mental health agencies where I didn’t have much autonomy around how I presented myself as a provider left me with a sense that doing it my way might be the “wrong” way. My short time in the field also left me with a lot of questions.
How would being out as a queer provider impact my relationships with my clients?
Would I be judged by my peers?
Wasn’t the goal for me to be some kind of blank slate?
In my crisis of confusion and doubt, I reached out to a trusted mentor, a therapist and former professor, to talk it through. When I shared my fears, questions and concerns, she asked me calmly what kinds of theoretical frameworks I was using with my clients. (What a clinical social work professor question to ask!) When I shared how I was incorporating a focus on the role of relationships and the body in trauma recovery, she reflected that being a blank slate didn’t sound like a prerequisite for that kind of work. She reminded me that there are lots of ways to show up in therapeutic relationships that are ethical and client-centered. Being intentional and discerning was more important than following someone else’s rule book.
What a relief to be given permission to show up as my full self! What a gift to be reminded that I could check in with my own values to see if my actions were in integrity with them, instead of waiting for someone else to tell me the "right way" to be in relationship with my work.
When I supervise and consult with other clinicians, I share the advice I was given, encouraging these providers to be thoughtful about what they choose to share - or not share - with their clients and how that sharing impacts the therapeutic relationship. What I’ve found over the last 6 years in private practice is that showing up to my work authentically with all of my identities invites those I work with to do the same.
What parts of you have you pushed to the margins in order to follow someone else's rule book?
I'm grateful to have had teachers, mentors, supervisors and others in my life who've helped me to come back to myself when I've wandered off into confusion and self-doubt.
What resources do you need to reclaim all parts of yourself, giving yourself permission to be seen just as you are?